Today, I woke up to another day of promises. I am so grateful! Three months ago, I entered the Alcove Recovery Centre and began a journey that will forever change my life. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Your professionalism, patience, and dedication to helping me find my way, to learn who I really am deep down inside, to provide a path for me to discover who I really want to be as a person, and as a mom.
I am extremely grateful to the Staff – you are amazing people dedicated to helping people like me find our way through our addiction. I thank you all for everything you do and for your continued dedication and service to the suffering addicts/alcoholics.
You all make a difference. You provide hope when we cannot find hope ourselves.
Your empathy and understanding of what alcoholics/addicts are experiencing is immeasurable and appreciated beyond what I can express in words.
Alcove is a paradise that provides peace and serenity to support all alcoholics and addicts, create a new life in tune with our inner souls. The staff's commitment to Alcove pays off in results.
To my addictions counsellor: Thank you for your shoulder, your listening skills, your dedication to all of us women at all stages of our recovery. You are always there, always listening, always, always compassionate. no matter how long your day was you always understood us because of the amazing story you have of your own journey. Thank you for everything. I will never forget how beautiful you really are. Thanks for being you.
To our Chef: Thank you for your smile, Falafels, and your amazing food that fed the soul. Your patience with us when we were grumpy! role you play may sometimes seem like in the background, but you are an integral part of the success and an amazing cook.
Thank you all for helping me and my son along through the beginning of our journey to start a better life sober. You are all amazing and wonderful people. I am very grateful and appreciative.
Now to my newest and dearest sisters in sobriety. My beautiful ladies who are here graduating with me today. Thank you for being amazing, wonderful, beautiful women who had my back, and always there when I needed you. Thank you for sticking it out with me through the good times and bad. I love you all – never forget that.
I’m looking forward to having you as my new sisters throughout mine and my son’s life.
We did it! Wah hoo!
To the new ‘seniors’ at Alcove – stay strong, and never stop fighting for your life. You are worth it. I will miss you all.
I’d also like to thank Pregnancy Pathways, my Bent Arrow workers, my friend, and of course my son: for always believing in me every step of the way, and for everything you do for me and my son, and for all the help you’ve given me along the way. I couldn’t have done it without you.
Thank you all – C
Dear Alcove Newcomer:
Coming to treatment is a big decision. I know for myself I had no life that my addiction consumed me, and I needed a change.
I was so sick that if I didn’t seek out help, I would be dead.
I made lots of bad choices, but the best decision besides my son was to get treatment.
It’s hard in a new place, a bed you don’t like, sharing a room, but that person can turn into a confidant when you are down, and unable to talk to others. It takes time and you should adjust as long as you want a sober life, you can have fun without using, and you only have to be in the NOW, one day at a time.
In the beginning at Alcove, I did roll my eyes at some things we have to do, but after a couple of months I found I actually enjoy them some. I started to look into myself, letting go of the intense shame and guilt I was holding.
The time here at Alcove has made me realize I will ALWAYS be in Recovery and that’s okay with me. I have lots to learn and many years to go about it. Acknowledging my feelings is hard, asking for help is hard. But being sober isn’t. Hiding, suppressing was unhealthy for me and I made poor choices.
I’m glad I took this time for me. I believe my path forward will have MANY joys or sad times, but I will learn and remember you all as I stay on this Recovery Journey. I wish you all the best,
My Reasons for Coming to Alcove:
Hello my name is K, and I am a cocaine addict. As I repeat that statement I feel the denial come through my voice. Emphasize the word ADDICT. Should I say hello? Do I say cocaine? Or should I introduce myself as an alcoholic/addict? These questions raced through my mind as I mentally rehearsed this phrase on my 3-hour drive to Alcove. My mother sleeping soundly beside me, my sister in the front seat – eyes forward. Her fiancé clutching the steering wheel.
My life had become unmanageable. I was powerless to my drug of choice. I had lost all faith. The only time I spent praying to a higher power was on my hands and knees, was picking cocaine pieces out of my bedroom carpet. Asking God for one more instead of asking for enlightenment. Begging for guidance, when the only direction I followed was the unrelenting voice of my addiction.
Truth is, I genuinely thought I was in control. I grew up in an alcoholic, abusive family. The origin of my addiction was never my fault. I blamed everyone around me for my crisis and I robbed myself of self-worth, trust and morality. I did not only crave my drug of choice but I craved the numbness. Quality was not based off tingling gums or the burn in my nose: I craved emotional numbness. The word “addiction” was one that I was familiar with. In fact, it was my best friend – we were inseparable.
Addiction was the one thing that would love me, and not leave. My social habit turned into lust. A burning desire for just one more. My dreams and aspirations crushed into the consistency of white powder. For once in my life, I had control over something: the amount I used. That control turned into an insatiable need – the need to lose myself completely, to find who I really am.
There is no ‘Aha!’ moment. For me it was a reflection of the person I tried so hard to leave behind. It was a reflection of a young, broken girl who so badly wanted to be loved by something or someone. The energy I put into running away from my problems or putting any substance in my body to not feel, came rushing back to me. In my addict mind, praying for the sweet release of death was simpler than asking for forgiveness.
When I was disappointed that I regain consciousness after overdosing, I attempted suicide. The idea that death was an easier fit than admitting I was an addict was my twisted reality. Finding the ‘quick fix’ was my kryptonite. I would rather have had my family spend their live mourning my loss, than know the truth of my addiction. Needless to say my suicide attempts were futile.
Tears rolled down my cheeks. This was the first time I had felt sensation on my face since I was 18. I knew this was my rock bottom. A cold tile floor with no one but myself and my emotions to keep me company. I could feel my heartbeat in my chest. The first time I took in air through my nose, the first breath of oxygen not mixed with drug particles, or shame. In that moment of clarity, I made the decision to ask for help. I knew in that moment I was powerless over my addiction. That continued cocaine use would kill me, and death would become my new companion. I was able to admit to my family that I had had an abusive love affair with drugs and alcohol. That my ‘phase’ had become my lifeline.
As distorted as my reality, it was not until the broken little girl in the mirror rang the front doorbell of Alcove, that I knew the suffering was over. I now would rather continue an uphill climb in recovery than be 6 feet below this earth. Recovery has been the most rewarding experience for me. From the time I was embraced by Alcove, I knew it would be home. This was what I longed for, but never received. I felt safe being 3 hours away from my family than I had in a lifetime.
The support I receive continues to challenge me to be the best version of myself, which was something I was never allowed to be. I am not WHAT has happened to me, I am WHAT I CHOSE TO BECOME.
Sober, and unapologetically, myself.
If you or someone you know needs help fight an addiction, please contact us.