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  • Paula Arnold

Goodbye to My Addiction

Dear Addiction,

I would like to start off by thanking you. Thank you for the years of Good times and the years of bad times. Through the years of addiction you have taught me who friends, family, and loved ones really are. You have taught me how important my role as a mother is; how I should always listen to my children and how important it is for me to be their role model; you made me realize how important it is for me to just continue being alive.

However, I'm writing this letter to say goodbye. I remember when we first met. I was 19. I never suspected how bad you would be for me or the devastation our future would hold. I was blinded by your beauty. You took me into your arms and enveloped me in numbness and warmth. I was floating, everything was beautiful and nothing hurt. I thought that I could control you, but soon you came to control me. The first couple months were good but the months after that you started to take me over. I gave myself to you completely, almost reveling in the darkness and destruction. Indulging in the lovely ritual, I was completely ready to die for you. It was sad and terrible - beautiful oblivion. I have done everything for you, given you everything and all you did was take. I have lied, cheated, manipulated and stolen. I have caused my family and friends unimaginable pain and ruined our relationships. I have lost jobs, wreaked cars, ruined my college education and put myself in many dangerous situations. I even spent some of my life incarcerated because of you. . I've degraded myself and sold my body. I hardly know who I am anymore. I was so detached from myself and life. I feel lost. And I am finally ready to say enough. I am through with all the pain, bullshit and degradation. It was fun at first, but mostly it was just horrible. So it's time to say goodbye. It's been real but it's over. You will no longer have control over me.

I am taking back my life.

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